Hmmm...

Still not sure what to write in here today/tonight. So just wanted to add something. Emotions are going in every direction and not even sure how to explain it. But i wanted to thank You again for the lovely bracelet Mistress. It will be worn proudly and with honor. i hope You had a great day Mistress.

Busy morning

Got up this morning and could not ignore the urge to clean the house. i have put it off long enough. If i wait till i am done bleeding, it would probably never get done. Was not cramping or anything this morning so i covered the basic cleaning needs. The noticeable stuff. Haha. And got caught up with the laundry. Thought maybe someone would at least sweep and mop once in awhile, while i was down. But of course that. That would be asking to much. Lol. Sorry this is so short and so late Mistress. Had a busy morning and somewhat of an emotional day. But feeling a bit better now. Hope You are enjoying Your time with Rob. And congratulations on the new/used van. :)

Few songs.

Not really sure what to write about today, so figured i would add a few links to some of the songs that i enjoy listening to at times.

Shatter Me - Lindsey Stirling and Lzzy Hale    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05-x741Xis

Dark Side - Kelly Clarkson   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05-x741Xis

Something Bad - Miranda Lambert and Carrie Underwood  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmfHHv4mvLk (Was just an amazing performance at the CMT awards last week) Not a very good video but that was the live performance.
Here is a better video of it: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aK__-NEequM) Not much meaning in this one yet, have not listened and thought about the words to much. Just love it. Those two are amazing together. :)


How Great Thou Art - Carrie Underwood https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhvaDJTUmrU
Not that i am a very religious person but this song has great meaning for both kitten and i.

There are just so many songs that have special meaning to us. And both of us have them in mixes on IMVU. She has some that are different then what i have that only have special meaning to her...etc...

Doctors, doctors, and more doctors.

Haha. Why do doctors visit usually take forever? If you are not waiting in the waiting room forever, you wait in the back. Sometimes both. Hate being stuck in those little rooms alone. Lol. Felt like i was there forever. But no bad news, so all is good. Just a few ups and downs that are not really concerning the doctor at the moment. A lot going on with my body right now. He is going to have his office people find another heart doctor for me to go see. And get that all checked out. Working on the low salt diet and exercise now. For the blood pressure. Hopefully they will correct this hernia and taking walks and such will not be such a daily task for me. And the bleeding and uncomfortableness (Lol, not a word huh?) goes away for a little while. Not enough time in between to get comfortable. Ugh. Driving me insane. Anyway, hoping that get stabilized soon also. That could be what is causing some of the other issues my body is having. i got back to PCP in three months. Unless of course, it is needed before that.

Surgeon is next Wednesday. Not looking forward to the trip to Tampa, but looking forward to being a step closer to getting this problem fixed. Hopefully this surgeon does something and does not say surgery is not needed. Even my doctor and the gyn believe it needs to be corrected. If worse comes to worse, i am going to have grandpa drive me there and leave the little ones with Brandon. Well maybe take one with so they do not drive him nuts. Lol.

No scheduled appointment for the GYN at this time. But keeping him informed of things regarding my wonderful period that likes to haunt me. Haha.

Busy mornings always call for a quick, random blog. Lol. i love You Mistress, hope You start feeling better soon. ~Smiles~

Phone call with doctor...

Doing it this way because it is a lot to text. Easier to type on a keyboard. Lol.

Good morning my beautiful Mistress.

Ok so i called the doctors office a little bit ago. (GYN, of course) And the lady on the phone took notes to my issues and whatever. She put me on hold for like ever, while she went and talked to the doctor and while he looked over my file. Lovely music that wanted to put me back to sleep. Haha. This is what he said...Have to say i do agree with his words this time...

He said to keep track of the times i change my tampons. If it continues to be like every hour or less to call back right away. Meaning this afternoon. Watch it for a few hours. Or something like that. He feels my body right now is trying to get back on a schedule. The skipping months here and there threw it for a loop. Then the pills i was put on. And when it stops to keep track of when it starts again and if it is the same as this time, to call right away. Like the first day i have go through tampons every hour. Not to wait. He asked how my skin color was, like if i was pale and feeling weak and all that. And he said that if it does start to go away but comes back without completely going away and gets heavy again to call. But to give my body time to adjust to everything. Of course though if i start getting pale and weak, and in pain..etc...he said to go to the ER right away.

So more or less he wants to see if we can ride this out as long as possible, and give it a chance to stabilize without further medication. But he is aware of everything now, and i just have to keep him informed. So that if it continues to go like this he can hopefully do something to fix it.

Ahhhh, so much easier then texting all that. Haha.

i love You Mistress. Hope You are feeling better today.

What a night...

Ok so another random blog. Last night was hell, for the most part. For starters, i was going through tampons like crazy. So looks like i will be calling the gyn or going there to talk to him in person in the morning. On top of all that, as You know, one of our toilets got clogged. Well, after the landlord came to "fix" that one, the other one acts up. Which in returned messed up the main one again. Landlord was not reachable, it was late. So the boys had to pee outside or whatever, lucky ass males. Lol. Well with me bleeding like i have been, i was not about to pee outside. Haha. So had to come up with something for that. i think the whole house was up till about 4 or so. Usually when up that late, i get to sleep in a bit, but not comfortable when bleeding like crazy. Hopefully it starts to slow down today. Either way i will contact the doctors office tomorrow. So not normal to go through tampons like i did yesterday. Tony was up all night, so will be a fight to keep him up today, so he will sleep tonight. His summer time routine. Summer vacation means stay up all night and sleep all day. Haha.

kitten had her date last night, i will let her give details or whatever on that. Plus the times that the girl she is dating is on is awkward times. And it makes it hard for me to get to bed at a decent time, but i want kitten to be able to enjoy herself. Because that keeps my mind settled. So maybe we can work something out to where they can continue seeing each other. It is late hours, but like i said, normally i can sleep in and get enough hours of sleep in.

i know Your girls had their graduation this morning, which is why i whispered texted. Lol. Did not want to interrupt and that was my hint that i knew You were unable to respond at that time. Sorry for not texting last night after a certain time. Things got crazy hectic around here, and kitten was online, but had to go be right back several thousands time. Lol.

Thank You for taking the time to read my randomness Mistress. One more question...Although i might end up asking this in text when i hear from You. But when we do speak on the phone, with a houseful of people, i may not be able to refer to You as Mistress. If that is the case, how should i address You at such times we speak over the phone Mistress? i have to be a little chilled over the phone. Always someone around.

Momma Momma Momma

ooooo i gots tell u something Momma. i went into a room last nite that i usually go into. kittens for cougars. wells when i was in there, some lady comes in from her dance/strip club or whatever. she says she havin contests for guests and such. so i said ok ima go check it out or whatevers. so after a lil while i went in. almost a full room, so she starts the contests. well the first round took forever but i won. yays me. then there was two more rounds. two other girls won those. well after we was all done with the contests we all sat around talkin. got a lil boring so some of the girls decided to play more games and give themselves away as prizes. including the room owner. lil cutie she is too. hahaha. well it came down to her bein the prize. she asked a few multiple choice question bout herself and seriously playin hard to get. was so cute. lol. we had to guess which answer was hers. well i won that round. so we all just talked for a bit and cuddled. it was getting super late and we all were ready for bed so me being my smart ass self, i said well do i get to continue with my prize tomorrow. she said theres one more thing u need to do before u get your full prize. i said "oh whats that" she so smoothly asked if i would go out on a date with her. ooooo Momma, i never really dated on there. lol. but i agreed. guess we gonna talks more about it today. she was gettin so tired she was havin many typos. i said why don't u just go to bed. lol. she said "well i was gonna but its hard when i have an amazing women in my arms" oooo no one say that to me before Momma.

wells i just wanted to tells you bout my nite, i don't never gets to see you. i was gonna ask if i was able to explore my dominate side but i gonna she how this goes. :) i knew you said angel could date, so i thought it be okay for me to try instead.

Trust

In the child’s game, Trust Me, one person stands behind the other. The one in front falls backward, trusting the other to catch them before crashing to the floor. Trust Me contains an element of danger, the risk of not getting caught and getting hurt. The person falling places great trust in the person catching. When the falling player trusts the catcher enough to let go completely, and the catch happens as planned, both players experience a moment of exhilaration that’s difficult to duplicate any other way.
It’s About Trust
BDSM is similar. The myth is that it’s abusive and weird—whips and chains! Actually it’s about trust. When trust trumps the possibility of harm, the result can feel incredibly intimate and erotic.
There are several terms for BDSM: power-play or domination-submission (D/s) because one lover has control over the other, at least nominally; sado-masochism (SM), which involves spanking, flogging or other types of intense sensation; and bondage and discipline (BD), which involves restraint. But the current term is BDSM.
Many people consider BDSM perverted, dehumanizing, or worse. But aficionados call it the most loving, nurturing, intimate form of human contact and play. People can have sex without conversation, negotiation, or any emotional connection. But in BDSM, the players always arrange things in advance with clear, intimate communication, which creates a special erotic bond.

Randomness

Haha. Nice title. Anyway...thank You for the extra time to get this done today Mistress. i did let kitten out for a little while and will let her have some more time later this evening. Maybe that is what it was. But it was getting so hard to concentrate and my typing was different off and on. Lol. Usually means she is poking. Easier to control at times.

Well, the doctor (gyn) seemed to be right on target. Took my last pill yesterday and sure enough started spotting earlier today. Did not take long. Lol. So far it is still very light, so praying it stays that way and only lasts a few days like he said. i go back to my regular doctor next Tuesday. i guess for a check up on the blood pressure and the specialists he has sent me too. Which have not been to any, accept the gyn. Surgeon is the 18th. And still waiting for my insurance to approve a heart doctor. They love to take their sweet time.

i am sorry things did not work out with You and paul Mistress. i was reading his comment to Your "Everything" blog a few times and shaking my head. Then when You mentioned it today, i went and read it again. Was just a wow moment.

Was still not sure what to put in todays blog, so i just went with randomness so i could get it done on time, while my mind was able to focus. Thank You again for understanding and giving me the extra time Mistress. Hopefully things will settled soon. But i did manage to comment on Yours early this morning. So got a start anyway. Hehe.

i love You Mistress. Hope You are enjoying Your time with Rob. Well minus the hangovers. i never really got hangovers, guess maybe because some of the time, i would start drinking as soon as i woke...never really had a chance to feel hungover.

Our First Session

Feeling Your full control last night, i do believe was much needed. It helped clear my mind a little. It has been a long, hard few months. Even thought it was an online session, it still means a lot to me. They are not just typed words to me, and well, i was literally squirming a bit on the couch during the session. ~Blushes~ Even though i can not actually feel Your touches, or the slaps...etc...i feel Your presence. Your control. Things have been hard for me, with all that was going on with Rachel, the confusion and hurt she has put me through. And even though it has ended, and it hurts badly...It also feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now i can work on finding myself again and get back into the full TPE slave that i know i am. The control i felt last night, was just amazing. Been so long since i felt that. Not moving without permission, not taking over in a scene or whatever...etc...Just so many emotions last night. Well, some things are hard to explain. So i will end this blog here...i hope what i did write at least makes a little sense, my mind tends to be drifting a lot this morning and it is making it hard to focus on one thing at a time.

Thank You for Your time and for Your control last night Mistress. i so needed to feel that control. The full control.

Last night...

Well last night was a bit of a twist for me. It was very emotional, even though i knew it was coming and that it had to happen. Rachel and i talked for awhile on yahoo after i said what i said and poofed. i never just poof from a room but it was something that needed to be done. i had to get it through to her that i was not playing. That i could not fight or hang on any longer. i do love her a lot, and i always will. But in order to save our friendship, our bond...It was time to end things. She does blame herself for this, or so she says. i do know this time it was not me failing. i went above and beyond to save our marriage. But i ran out of options. The "divorce" was a mutual agreement and we will stay close. i will be here for her whenever she may need me. And hopefully visa versa. But it was time. Time will heal the hurt i feel. The crazy emotions that are flowing through my entire body right now. But it also feels as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders. So many different emotions. i do know, there is not another, especially on that site, that would have went to the extreme that i did to save what we did have. And well if there is, they are not easy to find. Rachel and i have known each for a long time. Not many stay in touch for that long on IMVU. So our bond is special. And shall never be completely broken, but i just could not do it anymore. i felt tied down to someone who really did not want to make an effort. i know she "tried' to a point, but not as much as she could have. So, i guess i do know who is to really blame for this. But i will still have her back and support her decisions. And without the emotional attachment, (Once i heal from this), it will be easier to help her find herself. But i must find myself first. Before we said good night last night, she said something to me, that i have not heard her say in a long time. And it really hit home for her to say it again. Of course, during the conversation, i did say that i impress myself sometimes. With how understanding and etc...i am and have been with her. She said i impress her also and that i was an amazing woman. It made a small smile appear through the tears. And it makes me smile and blush a little every time You tell me that Mistress. It just means a lot to me that people actually notice that distance i will go to make someone happy. To help others "be free."

i want to thank You again Mistress, for putting up with me through all this drama with Rachel. Also for keeping Your promise to not to come between my relationship with her, even though You wanted to. And most of all for being here for me and working with me to build me back up. This slows down the healing process a bit, but in time it will also make me a stronger person. To better serve You. i love You my Mistress.

The BDSM Emblem

What does the BDSMblem mean?

 

 

 

The BDSMblem has no "obvious" symbolism because it was created to be enigmatic. To the vanilla observer who would be put off by BDSM, it is merely an attractive piece of jewelry. Thus, we can wear it freely as a friendly salute, nod, and wink to other BDSMers we should happen to pass on the sidewalks and in the hallways of our daily lives.

 

 

To the insider, however, the Emblem is full of meaning.

The three divisions represent the various threesomes of BDSM. First of all, the three divisions of BDSM itself: B&D, D&S, and S&M. Secondly, the three-way creed of BDSM behavior: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Thirdly, the three divisions of our community: Tops, Bottoms, and Switches.

It is this third symbolism that gives meaning to the holes in each unit. Since BDSM is at the very least a play style and at its greatest a love style, the holes represent the incompleteness of any individual within the BDSM context. However "together" and "whole" individuals may be, there remains a void within them that can only be filled by a complimentary other. BDSM cannot be done alone.

The resemblance to a three-way variation on the Yin-Yang symbol is not accidental. As the curved outline of Yin and Yang represent the hazy border between where one ends and the other begins, so do the curved borders here represent the indistinct divisions between B&D, D&S, and S&M.

The metal and metallic color of the medallion represents the chains or irons of BDSM servitude/ownership. The three inner fields are black, representing a celebration of the controlled dark side of  BDSM sexuality.

The curved lines themselves can be seen as a stylized depiction of a lash as it swings, or even an arm in motion to deliver an erotic spanking. The all-embracing circle, of course, represents the overlying unity of it all and the oneness of a community that protects its own. 

Lazy Sunday blog...

i just wanted to share some pictures today that i have found. And this one, well, would be perfect with "His" changed to "Hers" ~Smiles~








This one just looked interesting. The toys that are possibly going to be used on a heart shaped pillow. i find it kind of sensual and exciting. i think it shows love in many ways.

The crop...Well i already did a blog on that with an explanation of what the crop means to me. It can be used in so many different ways.

This i just found beautiful and wanted to share. Would not be all that possible to wear but it has a certain beauty to it. Even though i find tight things around my neck to be rather annoying. Lol.