Last night...

Well last night was a bit of a twist for me. It was very emotional, even though i knew it was coming and that it had to happen. Rachel and i talked for awhile on yahoo after i said what i said and poofed. i never just poof from a room but it was something that needed to be done. i had to get it through to her that i was not playing. That i could not fight or hang on any longer. i do love her a lot, and i always will. But in order to save our friendship, our bond...It was time to end things. She does blame herself for this, or so she says. i do know this time it was not me failing. i went above and beyond to save our marriage. But i ran out of options. The "divorce" was a mutual agreement and we will stay close. i will be here for her whenever she may need me. And hopefully visa versa. But it was time. Time will heal the hurt i feel. The crazy emotions that are flowing through my entire body right now. But it also feels as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders. So many different emotions. i do know, there is not another, especially on that site, that would have went to the extreme that i did to save what we did have. And well if there is, they are not easy to find. Rachel and i have known each for a long time. Not many stay in touch for that long on IMVU. So our bond is special. And shall never be completely broken, but i just could not do it anymore. i felt tied down to someone who really did not want to make an effort. i know she "tried' to a point, but not as much as she could have. So, i guess i do know who is to really blame for this. But i will still have her back and support her decisions. And without the emotional attachment, (Once i heal from this), it will be easier to help her find herself. But i must find myself first. Before we said good night last night, she said something to me, that i have not heard her say in a long time. And it really hit home for her to say it again. Of course, during the conversation, i did say that i impress myself sometimes. With how understanding and etc...i am and have been with her. She said i impress her also and that i was an amazing woman. It made a small smile appear through the tears. And it makes me smile and blush a little every time You tell me that Mistress. It just means a lot to me that people actually notice that distance i will go to make someone happy. To help others "be free."

i want to thank You again Mistress, for putting up with me through all this drama with Rachel. Also for keeping Your promise to not to come between my relationship with her, even though You wanted to. And most of all for being here for me and working with me to build me back up. This slows down the healing process a bit, but in time it will also make me a stronger person. To better serve You. i love You my Mistress.