A little about how it all started....

It is hard to say how my submissive side really came out or even got to the extent that it is today, but i do believe it has a lot to do with my past. Being a slave is in my blood, it is my heart. i pretty much grew up with having the control over myself and my actions. Raising my little brother and sister when i was still a child myself. While my mom worked and my dad and older sister went out drinking or whatever they did. When i would do things that were wrong or not safe for me or whatever, no one ever said anything. So i saw it as no one caring enough to notice or anything. So of course, i never stopped and it only got worse. i was never good at making safe decisions for myself. But always protected my younger siblings. As the years went on i had my share of bad experiences. That to this day are still hard for me to talk about. Just to much pain behind them. It made things worse to have been told that those things that happened were my fault. And of course i believed it for the longest time. So i tend to write them off. When i was introduced to the lifestyle by a friend that i had met in a chat room years ago, it hit me on who and what i really was. i never really thought about myself doing things for others, especially if it was something i did not want to do. But when we did an experiment on it, it felt good. i felt wanted, needed, loved. It was just an amazing feeling that i have never felt before. Especially the love, and how safe i felt leaving the decisions in another persons hands. Since in the past i always made the wrong decisions. Or so it seemed anyway.  i chose to hurt myself in different ways just to feel something. Sadly, that became a habit and only got worse. i still have some issues with those things, but not nearly as bad.